I have neglected you terribly. Every time i write in here i promise that it will be the beginning of total commitment. Today, i am not going to make that promise because more than likely, after this, i will forget about this thing for about 3 months.
Lately i have been thinking a lot about my life (past, present and future). I find myself in total disbelief of what has happened, is going on, and is going to be. i am a senior in college!! A near college graduate! yet today found myself looking back at pictures taken in high school, and thought "i am no more sure of what i want to do with my life now, than i was way back then." In fact, i think i am less sure. Before it seemed like finding out what path i wanted to take would be simple. I figured i would have a specific career goal and well on my way to landing a dream job. Now, i am realizing the complications of that belief. Even if i knew what the hell i wanted to do, i can almost guarantee i would have no idea (or real motivation for that matter) to achieve it. Over the past four years, if there is anything i have realized it is that i am way to intimidated of life. I hate dealing with any people that i feel are above me because i get completely overwhelmed with thought of inadequacy. I need to find a way to overcome this debilitating phobia or i will never be able to push myself to a level i am capable of being at.
On a lighter note...being 21 is fucking awesome. AND i have tickets to the football game next weekend. Hooray!
BRooke e. c. herbert