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Sunday, August 15th, 2010
10:48 pm - new update on my life
I still live in that apartment, though kyle has moved out and been replaced by a white version of himself, Stephan. Oh and puke-master mat and I have been dating for about 6 months now, it's been going quite well.

Ummm other than that nothing has really changed.

current mood: lazy

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Monday, February 1st, 2010
11:53 am - chillin
Always chillin. Update on my life: Currently, I am living in NE Portland and as of the last week I am out of work, well kind of. I can't work because Catholic Community Services got audited and it was discovered that none of the employees who reside in Oregon had undergone the addition finger printing that is required by law to do any sort of counseling services in the states of Washington. Because of this, like thirteen of us have our license to counsel suspended until our fingerprints have been processed, which could take up to three weeks. I really do not understand how it comes to be that as soon as I move out, I am out of work. It's both scary and kind of awesome cause I just chill alllll day. My roomy has a crazy x-box that has been modified or whatever to have every game ever made for sega, nintendo, super nintendo, and atari installed on it. I have been playing dr. mario approximately 4 hours a day and have yet to pass level four, however I really feel today is the day.

I have met almost all my neighbors, but have only become friends with the ones across the hall. They are insane but pretty entertaining. One of them, Eric, is anarchist, as well as a genius and pot dealer. He aims to destroy capitalism, and make america a socialist society. He gets really high and rambles on and on about how he can change the world, the ideas just explode out of him and its a real mind trip. He is definitely moderately crazy, and in fact he told me that about five years ago he went through a phase of doing acid every other day, and indeed began displaying all the signs of schizophrenia even on the days he was sober. It took him several months of sobriety before his paranoia tendencies subsided.

Then there is Kyle. Kyle is flamboyantly gay. He enjoys offending all social groups, and may be one of the funniest people I have ever met. Prior to moving to portland and coming out, he was a gangster in chicago and often tells stories of when he had to escape crack houses with his bitches.

Next is Matt. Matt I would imagine is the most normal of the group, but I am not sure because I have only talked to him when he was drunk. He enjoys wine. On friday he was particularly inebriated and stumbled over to our apartment. He reminded me of Kodi when she is in a blacked out state- completely destructive. Not the type to pass out, but the type to try and walk around and end up breaking shit and creating chaos. It was hilarious, however he did break our antenna, kicked our trash can spilling trash everywhere, and then proceeded to puke red, red wine all over our couch, which fortunately we were able to clean out using laundry detergent. He then left our apartment and proceeded to puke red, red wine all over their couch. I haven't seen Matt since this night; his roommates have informed us that he wanted to say sorry but is too embarrassed. I tried to explain that I have seen much worse, and that joe and I were just thankful that it wasn't one of us puking on their couch. With habits like ours, it could have been anyone of us.

Finally, there is lauren. All i know about lauren is he is asian and appears to be pretty straight laced. He also likes to hug, so I try to avoid him as much as possible. I am just not a hugger.

Krista and Megan and down the hall from us, which is a real treat. I think Krista still occasionally reads this lj, if so, Hello. I have been enjoying my time with them and I am very happy they are so close.

I may be having people over saturday night, and I am definitely have people over for the super bowl. If you are interested in attending please do so. Also, anyone who reads this is ever interested in coming over to hang out, please do so. Like I said, I literally have no obligations right now and I just adore company.

current mood: contemplative

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Tuesday, January 12th, 2010
9:03 pm - GONE
Soon I will no longer live in Gladstone. So damn soon. However, I will only be living a hop skip away in Portland, so all the gladdy people that read this ( yes all four or so of you) feel free to visit me anytime. I gladly extend the convenient location to anyone who wants/or has had a long night of drinking downtown and needs a place to crash. Or anybody who just misses me so much they want to visit.

I can't wait, i can't wait, i can't wait.

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Monday, December 21st, 2009
12:41 am - random thoughts
i can't wait to move out.
i am hungry.
i am sick of going to work.
i am scared of my future.
i hope my parents like their christmas presents.
my arm hurts.
my leg hurts.
i hope joe and i find a place that we can both afford.
i hope soojin doesn't back out of moving in with us too.
i hope i like living with joe and (hopefully) soojin.
i hope my boss likes me.
i hope my ankle doesn't start acting up and that i can continue running everyday.
i hope that i lose five more pounds.
i wish i could see sneha and risa.
i wish i could feel more content with my life.
i wish i could fall asleep right now.
i hope i don't ever get attacked at work.

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Wednesday, November 25th, 2009
2:12 pm - fucking hipsters
Recently I have come to the conclusion that I kind of hate hipsters. Honestly, there was a point in my life where I believed only the trendiest of people were cool, but recently I have come to discover that for the most part, really trendy people are the worst. They tend to be the world's biggest hypocrites, often claiming to be extremely open-minded and down to earth. However, after spending just five minutes with one, it is clear that they only do, speak, and dress in a way that makes them appear "cool". They pride themselves on their individuality, yet they all look the same, say the same things, engage in the same activities, and like the same obscure mediocre music. Above all, the one thing that really gets me is that they all pretend to be poor. In reality, a hipster could never actually be poor because being a hipster is all about materialism; the clothes they wear cost a ton, those fixed gear bikes they all ride cost a ton, and their trendy little downtown apartments decorated in urban outfitter decor cost a shit ton. The end.

This is my rant for the day, or maybe the week.

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Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
11:00 am
lately I have been thinking about a lot of different things. I don't even think that I can translate the majority of these thoughts into words because there is just too much. I often find myself lost in them, jumping from one random thought to the next, no real rhyme or reason about it. However, there is one thought that seems to perpetually creep into my mind. It has to do with human connection, or I suppose it is most commonly referred to as chemistry. I'm not necessarily referring to romantic chemistry, rather the idea of chemistry in general. It really blows my mind. Why are some people so easy to be around, while others are an absolute chore to keep conversation going?

Also, why do some people seem to have good chemistry with almost everyone, while others can't seem to connect to anyone? Does its seriously have to do with some unknown energy flowing through our bodies, or is it just a matter of how much we want it?

current mood: mellow

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Saturday, November 7th, 2009
8:28 pm
when the hell did life start getting so boring? I need to move asap.

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Sunday, November 1st, 2009
9:20 pm - halloween
was amazing. Absolute insanity.

I miss eugene so much, going there just makes me realize how good i had it.

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Friday, October 30th, 2009
1:35 am - whoa
i'm so good at predicting future events.

anyways tonight i walked my brother's dog (who is temporarily my dog) in sketchy lower gladstone and two giant pitbulls came out of nowhere and started attacking him! I was alone and it was so terrifying/sad. It was like 11 pm and I just started screaming for help and tried to kick the stupid dogs away. I screamed for like 2 minutes and nobody came so I got my pepper spray out and right as I am about to spray the fuckers in the eye I hear their owner yell their names. Two dumb ass tweakers who didn't seem to think its important to keep their pitbulls locked up. I yelled at them briefly but then realized what sketchy people they were and just got the hell away. Fortunately they were able to get the dogs under control before they seriously hurt sweet Elroy. Elroy and I were both shaking with fear. It was up there as one of the scariest moments of my life.

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Tuesday, October 27th, 2009
11:56 pm - .
work was upsetting today- I do not like the idea of families being torn apart the state. It is just not natural.

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12:38 am
the idea of a livejournal is so peculiar. It is particularly peculiar when people post entries about wanting people stay out of their business. It seems like the people who are always complaining about others being in their personal business are the ones that, not only write the most in their livejournal, but also post the most intimate entries. If you don't want people to talk shit, then don't give people shit to talk about.

Not sure why this is on my mind, just some random thoughts.

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Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
1:19 pm
the past couple days i have been feeling kind of down and I am not sure why. I guess I just feel lost right now. Lost and alone. I feel like everyone has their life schedule set in stone right now, and I am just floating -like nothing in my current situation is permanent, or familiar for that matter. Living with my parents is miserable. I miss having the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever i want. At the same time, the financial burden i am facing right now is just too great to really do anything about it. I'm stuck.
Also, since being at home I have noticed that I am pretty much always a third wheel, and everyone knows that being the third wheel is never the best possible situation to find yourself in, no matter who the other two wheels are.

I need to figure out how regain some independence.

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Tuesday, October 13th, 2009
12:12 am - this is becoming habit
I have really been enjoying my writing sessions on this thing, perhaps it's due to the lack of school in my life. It's weird how whenever I am in school, I sincerely hate it with a passion, yet whenever I take extended breaks from it, I find myself craving nearly every aspect of it. I suppose its just another classic example of how the grass is always greener on the other side.

I think that I am prone to "greener grass" situations, or feelings, or whatever the sensation is. Naturally, I always want what I don't have; it's a curse that has been haunting me since I can remember. Probably because I am kind of a jealous person, even though I hate to admit it.

Talked to my good friend Jared today. We always have the best conversations, like the kind that lack any sort of real content, yet are still are super engaging. I also went to work today. I fucking love my job and I am incredibly thankful. Today I worked 12 hours and at the end of the day, still didn't even really feel like i worked at all. It is one part of my life in which i genuinely feel like I am the luckiest person in the world. I absolutely love working with kids and I like to think that i am actually pretty good at it, at least i hope so.

Tomorrow I have to go to first aid/CPR training, I am pretty excited about it. It's something I have been meaning to do for quite a while. Ya never know when it will come in handy.

Anyways, all in all life is good. Everything is working out better than i could have imagine and I am very very happy about it. Also, i have been getting along with my parents quite well, though I still cannot wait to get out of this fucking town.

current mood: hopeful

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Sunday, October 11th, 2009
10:58 pm - an interesting turn of events
actually makes me feel really relieved... hmmm

went to eugene this weekend and it was quite a treat. Then partied downtown saturday night and had an excellent time. Work from 8 to 8 tomorrow, yikes!

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Friday, October 9th, 2009
12:48 am - what i think
I think a lot of people need to accept the fact that their lives really don't suck as much as they like to think they do.

My thoughts on this began during a recent stint of boredom, in which I went through and read about 15 different live journals. Of these journals, approximately ninety percent of entries consisted of depressing mini-rants regarding how shitty life is, followed by overly-optimistic vows to make a dramatic change with the ultimate goal of finding true happiness. The repetition of these entries have led me to believe that happiness is not a way of life, and therefore it cannot and should not be actively sought after. It is an emotion; it is automatic and it will come and go as it pleases. Just because you don't feel feel happy all of the time doesn't mean your life is missing something. More than likely, your life is fucking awesome, you just have too high of expectations to notice. Lower them and perhaps you'll finally be able to find some goddamn inner-peace.

sorry if this sounds negative, I'm sleepy and when I am sleepy I tend to be more critical than normal.

that's all i have to say about that,

current mood: contemplative

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Thursday, October 8th, 2009
10:51 pm - good times
today i had my first real day of work. I loved it.

I can't wait to move out of gladstone and into a place downtown...i sure hope it happens sooner than later.

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Friday, October 2nd, 2009
2:13 pm - so here i am
It's friday afternoon and I am laying in bed. I had my first day of work, though it was really just filling out various employment forms and watching some training videos. I am really excited to dive into this job, especially since one of the forms I had to read was the list of various activities around town to take the kids I will be working with to. There were a ton of ideas, including but not limited to: OMSI, art museum, walking around 23rd, Powells books, the zoo, the fish hatchery, etc. I can't believe I will be getting paid to do these things. It's awesome.

Today is my mom 56th birthday. So very old- it makes me scared that one of my parents are going to end up real sick one of these days. I don't know what I would do if something like that happened, it would destroy me. Anyways though, for her birthday I got her a book on collectable glassware and another on how to make homemade wine. I hope she enjoys my presents.

Other things in my life...
they exist too, but of course I would never go into it, even on here. Discretion rules my words [and actions...and thoughts] all too often. I am really trying to work on being more open about my feelings. I have always been the type to hide things from others, things that really do not require hiding.

current mood: discontent

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Thursday, November 27th, 2008
11:22 pm - today was thanksgiving
it was so delicious and pretty funny.
i love my family. :)

current mood: cheerful

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Tuesday, November 11th, 2008
2:04 am - i love funny livejournal posts
Dear livejournal world,
I have neglected you terribly. Every time i write in here i promise that it will be the beginning of total commitment. Today, i am not going to make that promise because more than likely, after this, i will forget about this thing for about 3 months.
Lately i have been thinking a lot about my life (past, present and future). I find myself in total disbelief of what has happened, is going on, and is going to be. i am a senior in college!! A near college graduate! yet today found myself looking back at pictures taken in high school, and thought "i am no more sure of what i want to do with my life now, than i was way back then." In fact, i think i am less sure. Before it seemed like finding out what path i wanted to take would be simple. I figured i would have a specific career goal and well on my way to landing a dream job. Now, i am realizing the complications of that belief. Even if i knew what the hell i wanted to do, i can almost guarantee i would have no idea (or real motivation for that matter) to achieve it. Over the past four years, if there is anything i have realized it is that i am way to intimidated of life. I hate dealing with any people that i feel are above me because i get completely overwhelmed with thought of inadequacy. I need to find a way to overcome this debilitating phobia or i will never be able to push myself to a level i am capable of being at.
On a lighter note...being 21 is fucking awesome. AND i have tickets to the football game next weekend. Hooray!

BRooke e. c. herbert

current mood: busy

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Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008
4:40 pm - meow
I dont think i have spend this much time alone since...middle school

It's refreshing to know I still have the ability to entertain myself. In fact, I kind of like it.

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